We all handle stress, grief, worry, etc. differently. This month has been one of those months. March is the anniversary of my Mother-in-law's passing from breast cancer, it is also my wedding anniversary and add to it the diagnosis and schduled heart surgery of grandma #1 and re-marriage of step-grandpa there has been a lot of emotions running through out our house.

K3's reactions to things has been interesting. All of the sudden he is spending a lot of time talking about death and death related things. He is a relatively normal child, he watches a lot of Disney and Nickelodeon so I know he is not really seeing that there. I am assuming this is a result of stress and worry and a tad bit of grief.

Example 1: He has a giant bruise on his calf. I ask what happened, he shrugs and says "Maybe my bone is rotting." WTH?!

Example 2: Sitting on our bed watching t.v. with daddy he starts to have a bloody nose. It's Spring, here in Utah we go from extremes, one minute it is 70° sunny and beautiful the next snow. But we are used to it, K1, DH and my brother all had bloody noses growing up-not really a big thing. A couple of hours later K3 is in the bath. I hear a very quiet but panicked "momma!" and rush in. Another nose bleed. Poor little boy says "I don't want to die!". One of the most pathetic and heart breaking things I have ever heard. Cleaning him up produced a boogie/blood clot that was easily 4-6 inches long. He thought I was pulling his brain out and again panicked just a little.

Example 3: Playing with his GI Joe last night. GI Joe was carrying around a bag---full of dead bodies. Again, WTH?! GI Joe also was hiding in a coffin and killing these "Germans" left and right. I am beginning to wonder what SpongeBob and Phineas and Ferb are really showing that I am missing.


***Something that made my day---Saturday K2 had a soccer game. As some quick back story I can't remember if i mentioned that the soccer coach we were having problems with kicked her off the team. It was heartbreaking but we quickly found a replacement team. She had a wonderful game and played spectacularly! Old coach had a game after hers and as we were walking by and exchanging pleasantries (all be it a little forced on his and my sides) a parent from the new team walked by and said "K2 you were excellent out there today! Such skills, you are so wonderful!" Such sweet vengeance and I didn't plan it so karma shouldn't get me for it. :)

Have you ever woke up, smelled Spring in the air and was energized? Have you ever decided to move furniture around so you could deep clean? Did you ever strip all the beds in your house and do 5 loads of laundry? Did you ever spend hours working in the yard?

Then did you wake up the next day sore but decided again that you had Spring Fever and needed to be outside? So you took your kids and DH and played baseball? And then walked 2 miles up and back the canyon with your DH? And spend more hours in your yard?

And then have you woke up the next morning and you can't move? That's where I am today. Ouch.

Scared

I am struggling. We got news yesterday that turned my world upside down. My rock, my protector, my best friend, my momma is going to have to have a quadruple bypass. I know it is not that big of a deal anymore, I know they have made so many strides when it comes to this surgery but still. I am scared. I am worried, I am numb, I am sick and I am lonely in my fear. I spent 3 months in the NICU, I am no stranger to death and mortality. But that doesn't mean it doesn't scare the crap out of me facing it with my mom. It will be okay. But I'm not ready-I don't want to do this-I'm selfish. I want my mommy. I want to go back to the time where I could run to her and with a hug she could make it better. Kiss my boo-boo and my fear away. I don't want to be the adult, but I will. Like I told K2-we are the women-we have to be strong. We are the ones that our men look to for comfort. So we will cry but we will go on and be strong. And scared.

Things I learned at Disneyland

If this post seems familiar it is because I did something similar when DH and I took our trip back in 2007. If I wasn't so lazy I would go back and link it but Wordpress is annoying when you are looking for old posts.

*People are rude, they have no problem with butting, pushing, cutting you off, running into you without batting an eye.
*Churros are better at Disneyland
*Disneyland is better with your kids
*Crowds are horrible
*Walking 6 or 7 miles a day offsets all the churros
*Tigger rocks. And for some reason every time I see Tigger the person playing him finds me immensely hilarious.
*Blue Bayou is not worth the cost, especially when mean hostesses are rude. But the wait staff rocks
*Having a nap is a must
*So are pain medications
*Bubba Gumps is a great restaurant
*The beach is so relaxing. But bitter cold
*Newport Beach has the best sand dollars
*My bed is the best
*6 days is too much Disney
*Vacations rock, real life not so much
*I have so much to do to get caught up. Lots of projects and so little time.
*I am ready for Spring

Disneyland 2009

Trip there:


Beach:


Hotel:


Breakfast with Goofy:


Characters:


Family:


The words to come in a future post, but after a week of vacation we have come back to real life totally slapping us in the face and time is running out quick!